Unsent Farewell letter, Unspoken love.
Dear my One sided love
As I sit down to write this letter feel like I am opening the last chapter of a book that I have carried in my heart for more than a decade. This isn’t a blame, nor a complaint nor even a request. This is simply my truth my farewell to a love that was never mine in the way I dreamed, but was always mine in the way I felt.I don’t even know where to begin except from where it all started back in Class 10th. That was the year I first realized what love actually feels like. It wasn’t something planned, it wasn’t something I even understood at that time, but I knew my heart had chosen you.
I still remember those school days. You were always so confident so graceful and so full of life.
Whenever you came in front of me something inside me froze. My words would shrink my confidence would vanish, and I would stand there like a boy who didn’t know how to breathe. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to talk it was because the depth of my feelings for you made me speechless.
I didn’t have the courage to confess face to face. So, one day I gathered all my strength and sent you a text. That was my first proposal a digital confession of a heart that couldn’t speak in person. I didn’t send it because I thought it was the perfect way. I sent it because it was the only way I could manage to tell you.
Even after that, whenever we went to school together, I could never say what I wanted. I carried so many unsaid words inside me, but every time you looked at me, those words dissolved into silence. Maybe that was the nature of my love silent, shy but endless.
That was the beginning of a journey I never imagined would last eleven years of my life. A journey of love, hope, pain, and memories.
Life has a strange way of testing us. Just when I was beginning to live in the comfort of seeing you in school every day even if from a distance even if in silence destiny decided otherwise.
You shifted to Islamabad, and for me it felt like the ground beneath my feet had been pulled
away.
I can still feel the emptiness of those days. The benches in school the corridors the streets we sometimes crossed all of them looked incomplete without you. I missed you deeply but fate gave me a small gift in return texting.
Through messages somehow we became friends. It was slow it was gentle but it became the most precious bond of my teenage years. Every beep of my phone every notification that carried. your name made my heart race. I saved your messages, and even today, I still have them. In fact many nights I used to re-read them before sleeping and every word from you felt like a lullaby to my restless heart.
You will never know how much those texts meant to me. They were not just words they were my light in the darkest nights. Those chats, simple as they were, became more special to me than any treasure in the world.
It was during this time that I started writing a diary. Page after page, night after night, I filled it with thoughts of you. If I look at it now, I can honestly say that 98% of my diary is about you.
Your name, your messages, your memories they became ink on paper, but more importantly, they became the heartbeat of my youth.
And I must tell you one thing that I have always been proud of in all those years I never once allowed my love for you to turn into desire. I never sexualized you, not in my thoughts not in my dreams. My love for you was pure untouched by lust carried only by respect and a deep emotional bond. For me, that is what made it real.
Whenever you needed me I was there Not because I wanted anything in return but because your happiness was enough to make me happy. Just to see you smile even through a screen gave me peace.
Even though we were apart by miles those days of friendship through texting felt more intimate to me than being physically close to anyone else. In fact they became the most beautiful days of my life.
Life moved forward but my love for you never stood still. When I got admission into your university it felt like destiny had once again given me a chance. I told myself this is my time now I will meet her now I will prove my love now I will convince her to accept me.
Every day I stepped into that university with a silent prayer in my heart. I hoped to see you, to talk to you to let my love finally stand tall. But the reality was different. Every time I saw you in front of me, the same old story repeated itself my confidence shrank my words disappeared and I froze in silence.
Still I never gave up. I tried to meet you whenever possible. I tried to show not just say, that my love was true. I wanted to convince you, not for a moment, not for a season but for a lifetime. All I ever dreamed was to make you my partner my companion my wife.
I didn’t want to lose you as a friend either. That’s why, even in moments when my heart was burning with unspoken words, I chose silence. I would rather keep you as a friend than lose you completely by pressuring you with my love.
In those days, I began to believe in hope more than anything else. Somewhere deep inside I always carried the thought Maybe in the end, she will be mine. Maybe one day she will understand how deeply I love her. That hope was the rope that kept me from drowning.
My diary which had already been filled with your name became my only place of confession.
I wrote about my every attempt to meet you, every smile you gave me every reply you sent. To the world it might have looked like simple memories but to me they were chapters of a love story written by destiny.
And once again I tell you what I have always believed my love for you was pure. I never dreamed of you in ways that would disrespect you. I never turned you into a desire.
For me you were not a body to be wanted you were a soul to be cherished. That is why, even today, when I look back, I am proud of the kind of love I carried for you.
I was happy to be there whenever you needed me. Just one text from you asking for something was enough to light up my entire day. I never felt tired of being there for you in fact I felt honored.
Those days of texting and friendship no matter how small they might seem were the most special to me. They were the only times I truly felt close to you. And I kept every message safe as if they were priceless jewels. Many nights I would open them, read them again, and fall asleep with a smile on my face knowing that at least in those words, you were with me.
Time doesn’t wait for anyone. Slowly school days were left behind, university years passed.
And I entered into practical life. I thought maybe career and responsibilities would help me focus on myself maybe they would heal the part of me that always ached for you.
But I was wrong Even in the busiest hours of work even in moments of success your thought never left me. Whenever my phone buzzed with a new message my heart always hoped please let it be her. And when it wasn’t there was always a quiet emptiness inside me.
I tried to distract myself to live as people told me I should. Different girls came into my life.
Some stayed for a week some for a month. They liked me I liked them but never enough to stay. Because no matter who stood in front of me my mind always compared them with you. And no one ever came close. That is why sooner or later I parted ways with all of them.
I even thought that maybe just maybe I could find someone who might change my mind who might help me forget you. But forgetting you was impossible. Every attempt failed, because my heart had already chosen and it refused to change its choice.
As the years moved forward I also began to realize that our friendship was changing. You had once been so quick to reply so warm in your words. But gradually, you started to create distance.
First it was hours before you replied. Then sometimes the replies became shorter, colder. And then silence started to grow between us.
I noticed it, but I didn’t complain. Because in love, you don’t demand attention. You just pray that the other person stays even if at a distance.
I kept trying to reach you sometimes through simple texts sometimes by putting up statuses on WhatsApp just for you to see. And yes you did see them but most of the time, you didn’t react. Still, for me, even knowing that you saw it was enough to give me some comfort.
I know you always knew that I loved you. It wasn’t a secret I could ever hide. But I also know that by then, you had started to move away from me.
It hurt more than I can explain. But I carried that pain silently the same way I had carried my love for you since Class 10th.
In those days I started to feel like maybe destiny was playing a cruel game with me. You were drifting farther away and I was still standing in the same place, waiting, loving, hoping.
There are days in life you never forget days that feel like the world crashed around you. For me, one of those days was when I heard the rumor that you might be engaged to MR W…
That moment, something inside me broke. It wasn’t just sadness it was a pain I felt in my body in my chest in my veins. It was the kind of pain that no medicine can heal. I still remember how I couldn’t even breathe properly that day. For a few hours, I thought my life had ended.
And then when I later came to know that the engagement had been cancelled, I felt a strange relief as if Allah had given me another chance as if destiny had opened a small door of hope again.
In those days I spoke to my mother. I told her openly that I wanted you in my life. I knew it was hard maybe even impossible but I wanted her support. She told me to wait, that first your elder sister should get married, and then it would be your turn. She said maybe after that something could happen.
But while I was waiting with hope, things inside my own home took a painful turn. When the time came for your elder sister’s proposal, my father came to my mother and said, Ask from your son (Me) I want
Her(your sister) for him.
When my mother told me this I felt trapped in the worst situation. Because I respected your sister. She was my teacher, a great lady and I could never think of marrying her. My heart was already with you, and there was no question of betraying that love. So I refused firmly.
That decision created a storm in my house. My father was angry with me. From that day, he changed. The light moments, the jokes the way he used to talk to me they all disappeared.
Even now, he hasn’t forgiven me for that refusal. And yet I don’t regret it. Because for me love was never a compromise.
Fortunately, later your sister did marry someone else which ended that chapter. But my father’s disappointment in me remained. I carried that burden silently too all because my heart was loyal to you.
In the middle of all this I kept moving forward in my work. My business started to grow, and I began to earn in ways I never thought possible. From the outside, it looked like I was doing well successful strong. But inside, my heart was still a prisoner of your love.
Then came another day a day I will never forget. A proposal arrived for you and your father showed interest in it. When I heard this I felt like the ground disappeared under my feet again.
I couldn’t stop myself. I went directly to my father with tears in my eyes and begged him Please talk to her father for me. Please ask for her hand. This might be my last chance.
My father looked at me for a long time, then smiled coldly and said , I am not interested in your life. Do whatever you want, but I will not take your proposal to her father.
Those words cut me like a knife. At that moment I realized that sometimes the people closest to you can become the biggest wall between you and your dreams.
I even called my mother who was at her own family home. She said It’s just a proposal. These things take time. When I return I will talk to her mother. Her words gave me a little hope but the next day the situation became worse.
I found out that Your Fiance family wanted a date for the engagement ceremony.
That night after praying two rakaat nafal I went to your father. With a trembling voice I asked him to talk in private. He held my hand, and we went to the mosque. He said Now tell me what do you want?
I was silent for a long time, fighting with my own courage. Just when I was about to speak, another uncle entered the mosque and said loudly to your father that your fiance dad will come tomorrow to fix the date for engagement.
Your father looked happy and said That’s great. Do whatever you want. Then he turned to me, waiting for me to speak. My lips moved, but the words never came. Finally I just said No, uncle it’s okay. Maybe another time. This is not the right moment.
And with that I let the last chance of my life slip away. That night, I smiled in front of everyone, pretending to be okay while inside I was burning alive. The world didn’t know what I was feeling. They laughed they trolled me, but I kept my head high.
Only Allah knows how much I cried that night, how long I prayed, how my heart broke silently. There are heartbreaks that hurt for a moment and then there are heartbreaks that change the entire course of your life.
Your engagement day was that turning point for me. When I heard the news that the date had been fixed I felt like I was drowning. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you standing beside someone else, so I made a decision I would not attend the ceremony. I told my mother I had urgent office work in Islamabad, and that morning I left.
In truth, I was running away. Running from the sight I couldn’t survive. Running from the moment that would crush me.
Back in Islamabad, my nights turned into long battles with myself. I couldn’t sleep for days. My blood pressure dropped my body weakened and my mind became restless. I went to our family doctor a kind lady who had known me for years. She noticed something was wrong beyond the physical symptoms. She stayed in touch, worried about me, but how could I explain to her the storm inside me?
For weeks, I lived like a shadow of myself. I kept re-reading your old messages every night smiling and crying at the same time. Smiling because those were the happiest memories of my life. Crying because I knew they were gone forever.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse life threw me into another storm.
On the very first day I returned to my office after those dark weeks I thought maybe work would help me escape But it didn’t.
That day there was a meeting with the CEO and the Director. My bills had been stuck there for months because of internal office issues. I remember walking into that meeting like a man who had lost control over his own mind. I didn’t even think twice I just stormed straight into the room.
I was frustrated, broken, and completely drained. The pain of losing you was eating me from the inside, and that anger came out in the wrong place. I argued with the CEO not because of the bills, but because I was carrying too much hurt. My voice cracked, my words were sharp, and deep down I knew I wasn’t really angry at him… I was angry at life, at fate, maybe even at myself.
So in the span of a few weeks I lost three things at once.
The girl I loved for 11 years.
My health and peace of mind.
My standing in business.
That was the lowest point of my life. Nights became heavier than days, silence louder than words. Sometimes I would stare at the ceiling for hours, talking to Allah asking Him why he wrote such a painful destiny for me.
Yet, even in all that pain one thing never changed you My love for you stayed in my heart untouched by all the storms outside. Even when everything else collapsed, you remained the one thing I could never let go of As I write these last lines I realize something love is not about possession it’s about prayers.
For 11 years I carried you in my heart with the hope that one day, destiny would bring us together.
But destiny chose a different path. And today I have no fight left with fate.
Yes I am still broken in many ways. I still wake up some nights with your name on my lips. I still see your face in random crowds, hoping it’s you. I still read your old messages when loneliness becomes too heavy. But slowly, I am learning to accept that some stories are written not for forever but to teach us what true love feels like.
And my story with you it was exactly that. Pure, innocent, unforgettable. I will never curse you, never blame you, never regret loving you. If I had a chance to go back in
time, even knowing how this ends I would still choose to love you again. Because every memory with you, every message, every smile was worth the pain that followed.
I keep thinking maybe I lost you because I lost my hope. Maybe if I had held on to you a little longer, if I had fought for you instead of giving up, things could have been different. Maybe if I hadn’t tried to fill the emptiness by dating other girls trying to forget you instead of waiting for you. you might still have been mine. These thoughts crush me at night because I know I cannot go back in time and undo my mistakes. I can only sit with the regret, wishing I had been stronger, wishing I had chosen you every single time.
I will never curse you, never blame you, never regret loving you. If I had a chance to go back in time, even knowing how this ends I would still choose to love you again. Because every memory with you, every message, every smile was worth the pain that followed.
Today, I finally let you go from my prayers as mine.But I will never let you go as someone I once loved with all my heart. From this day forward, my dua will always be simple.
Ya Allah wherever she is keep her safe, happy and blessed.
Ya Allah make her new home with Yousaf full of peace and love.
Ya Allah write joy in her destiny even if my name was never meant to be part of it.
You may never read this letter. And even if you do you may smile and move on. But for me this is my closure. My heart had carried words for you for too long and now I release them into the silence.
Hold on, yeah… I still remember that day back in July 2020. You laughed and said After my marriage don’t grow your moustache and turn into a Majnoo. I promised you I wouldn’t. At that time I didn’t know how heavy that promise would feel one day.
I won’t do that, I swear. I won’t grow my moustache or act like some broken lover. But still… something in me changed after you. You might not know it but you made me a writer, a poet someone who started turning pain into words.
Every line I write, every feeling I express, has a little part of you in it. You gave me memories, lessons, and emotions that I will never forget. I am not Majnoo I am just someone who once loved deeply and learned to live with it through writing.
Thank you for everything you gave me even if it was only memories…..
Goodbye, My love 
♥
Not because I stopped loving you But because I finally learned that sometimes the greatest act
of love is letting go.
With love that never asked for anything in return,
Yours
One sided lover ❤️